I've Missed this Feeling

I’ve missed this feeling of butterflies,
Of delicate wings tickling my tummy,
Of feeling laughter bubbling up,
This feeling of being happy.
I’ve missed this time of silliness,
Of always feeling giddy,
Doodling hearts for a reason,
The need to be witty.
Dancing around in my pj’s,
Singing songs until my voice cracks,
Spinning in circles and staring into space,
Realizing how much my life lacks.
I’ve missed giggling and being hyper,
Missed my heart beating fast,
Missed accidentally blushing,
Thinking how long it would last.
I feel like chains have been removed,
And it’s like I could fly,
The wind beckoning softly,
If only I lift my wings and try.
I’ve missed this feeling,
Of laughter and delight,
The butterflies, the wings,
Feeling like everything is right.

~Bri~

Loss of Gravity

It’s like gravity’s suddenly been reversed,
And you don’t know which way’s up,
It’s like riding a roller coaster without a bar,
And you can’t wait for it to stop.
Your mind feels like sludge,
And your words come out garbled,
Your confusion never ending,
Every sound leaving you startled.
You’re upside down, then right side up,
On the ground, then standing straight,
You’re depressed, you’re pleased,
You think it’s all worth the wait.
You don’t know what to think,
You’re confused, frustrated, alone,
Content, free, exultant,
Exasperated and on your own.
You cover your ears and hide your face,
Attempting to make it back to reality,
There's gotta be a solution,
But no one hears your plea.

One Heart

Sitting on a park bench by myself,
I see the empty space on the end,
I turn my head slowly, eyes lowering,
Wishing for someone I could confide in.
Deserted and lonely and tired,
I sit with hands clasped slightly,
There’s no one here to help,
To hold my hand tightly.
A sea of overwhelming thoughts,
A flood of loneliness and fears,
No way to fight it, no way to stop it,
Nothing to do but let out the tears.
I stare down at my clasped hands,
A pair, complete, two whole things,
Two eyes, two ears, two feet,
One heart; and what joy that brings.
One heart, alone, as always,
Will there ever be an end,
To the pain, the suffering,
The heart ache that it sends?
The everlasting journey,
To find my other heart,
To fill the seat beside me,
Without falling apart?
My hands tightly clasped,
Eyes lowered to the ground,
Another day passes,
Without my heart being found.

~Bri~

Deceiving Myself

I'm pulling a blind over my eyes,
Hiding quietly from myself,
Never expressing my true feelings,
Ignoring any queries about my health,
I'm lying to my face,
A blank mask in the form of a wall,
There's a pounding against my shield,
Something determined to make it fall,
I'm lying for my heart,
I'm lying in my head,
I'm lying silently,
As I'm filled full of dread,
Where do the lies end,
And reality begin?
Where is the line drawn?
When does it become a sin?
Do people see right through me?
Past the thick mask I've created?
Is it only a matter of time,
Before it's obliterated?
So, when will it crumble?
When will it fail?
When will my lies be discovered,
And what will it entail?
Still, I pull the blind fast over my eyes,
Hiding still more from myself, 
I blot out my emotions, betray my feelings,
Stack them away on a hidden shelf.

~Bri~

Where Did the Hours Go?

You’re so cold, so invariably cold,
You’re tired of disappointment,
Tired of feeling lost without a hope,
Doesn’t anyone understand?
You’re so lonely, so horribly lonely,
You’ve wasted so much of your time,
Time you wish you’d never given,
Oh how you wish you could take it all back.
You feel sick, so incurably sick,
Your stomach twisting painfully,
Everything reminds you vividly of them,
Why would God play this cruel trick?
You’re so sad, so terribly sad,
You wish you could feel happy,
Where did all the hours go?
You miss the time when you were whole.

~Bri~

What if?

What if I like you so much I'm afraid to pray?
Because I'm afraid my answer will be different from His.
What if I like you so much that I want you here to stay?
Because you understand me, you love me, you don't play silly tricks.
What if I'm too attached to let you go?
What will I do when you finally move on?
I don't want to learn, don't want to grow,
From a pain that will last, a pain that's so wrong.
I feel too much too soon for anyone who cares,
I plug my ears to block out the sound,
Somebody save me from this fresh bout of tears,
But sadly, as always, he's the only one around.

~Bri~

Perspective

I hate that feeling when my stomach falls again.
I knew it would happen, but I hoped it wouldn’t be him.
Why is my mind mixed up with so many things?
It’s all there, but it’s him who I see.
He sits there and looks at me, a growing pleasure,
Of torturing, you know I’ll never know for sure.
What does he actually think of me inside his head?
Does he know how I’ve felt, what I did?
How I sacrificed so much to talk to him?
How I kept his secrets, his passions, his fibs?
I'm too close, too confused to make a guess,
So maybe I should step back to see the rest.

~Bri~